THE MEANEST MOTHER IN THE WORLD
We had the meanest mother in the whole world!
While other kids ate candy for breakfast, we had to have cereal, eggs, and toast.
When others had a Pepsi and a Twinkie for lunch, we had to eat sandwiches.
And you can guess our mother fixed us a dinner that was different than other kids had, too.
Mother insisted on knowing where we were at all times.
You'd think we were convicts in a prison.
She had to know who our friends were, and what we were doing with them.
She insisted that if we said we would be gone for an hour,
we would be gone for an hour or less.
We were ashamed to admit it, but she had the nerve
to break the Child Labor Laws by making us work.
We had to wash the dishes, make the beds,
learn to cook, vacuum the floor, do laundry, and all sorts of cruel jobs.
I think she would lie awake at night thinking of more things for us to do.
She always insisted on us telling the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth.
By the time we were teenagers, she could read our minds.
Then, life was really tough!
Mother wouldn't let our friends just honk the horn when they drove up.
They had to come up to the door so she could meet them.
While everyone else could date when they were 12 or 13,
we had to wait until we were 16.
Because of our mother we missed out on lots of things other kids experienced.
None of us have ever been caught shoplifting, vandalizing other's property,
or ever arrested for any crime.
It was all her fault.
We never got drunk, took up smoking, stayed out all night,
or a million other things other kids did.
Sundays were reserved for church, and we never missed once.
We knew better than to ask to spend the night with a friend on Saturdays.
Now that we have left home, we are all God-fearing, educated, honest adults.
We are doing our best to be mean parents just like Mom was.
I think that's what is wrong with the world today.
It just doesn't have enough mean moms anymore.
